


Blues over Purples

by greendoodle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Future, Hospitals, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 12:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6610534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greendoodle/pseuds/greendoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He continued bringing him meals that went untouched, stories that went unheard, and smiles that weren’t reciprocated. They mostly sat in silence, Bokuto’s hand on Akaashi’s, Keiji feeling the warmth he now lacked and Koutarou feeling the life fade from his lover’s body.</i>
</p><p>or: Akaashi dies slowly in a hospital bed and it probably kills Bokuto the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blues over Purples

**Author's Note:**

> A fic I wrote for BokuAka Week 2016  
> Day 7: ~~Anniversary~~ / **Future**
> 
> I had half of this done on the day, but I had writer's block so I didn't finish it until now.  
> Will I ever be happy with a fic of mine? = u = Maybe not, but here it is.
> 
> For this one, 'Thinking Out Loud' by Ed Sheeran is the song I played while writing this! Go listen to it if you guys want! XD

“How long have you been going out with that high school sweetheart of yours, Bokuto?”

Sitting at his desk, Bokuto Koutarou turned to greet the classmate who had confronted him. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully and furrowed his brows deep in thought before responding, “Six years now I believe.”

A murmur of approval rippled through the crowd that had gathered around his chair. The boys that had surrounded him patted Bokuto on the back while others whistled at him, vocalizing their support. Some heads turned in response to the noise, but because class had just ended, most of the university students had left the room after deciding on their individual plans for the afternoon.

“So,” someone finally spoke louder than the others to ask the question they all had on their minds. “Since graduation is coming up in a few days, when are you proposing?”

Bokuto sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and peeked up at their eager faces with slightly flushed cheeks before answering, “Today actually. I bought the ring recently.”

Another round of whoops and hollers rang out even louder than the last, earning inquisitive glances from people who were out in the hallway. Bokuto looked flustered, asking each of them to quiet down and once they did, he softly voiced his insecurities.

“I feel like I’ll probably get rejected to be honest,” he mumbled, but he was quickly silenced by a wave of encouragements and knuckle punches to his arm.

“Thanks guys,” Bokuto smiled faintly, grabbing his bag and getting up to leave. “I’m going to grab a couple of things before I meet up with him.” Waving, he rushed out the door with a list of places to visit before meeting up with Akaashi Keiji.

\-----

“Picking out the flowers for someone special?”

Bokuto looked up from the rows of roses and tulips at a kind, middle-aged lady in an apron holding a potted plant. He flashed a toothy grin upon seeing a friendly face.

“Yeah, someone REALLY special!” He exclaimed, smiling even wider when the woman returned his enthusiasm with a small laugh. “I’m not sure what to get him though…”

He looked back down at the flowers presented alluringly in front of him at his local floristry. He wanted something to reflect how beautiful his boyfriend was, but nothing seemed to match Akaashi’s elegance and charm. The florist must have approached him after noticing his hesitation and frustration – or maybe because he’d been in the store for a solid hour.

“Are you looking for anything in particular?” she asked, shifting the pot in her arms slightly to move the weight to another side.

“Something… pretty,” Bokuto blurted out, fumbling with his words. “Something… you look at and think, ‘I’m lucky you exist,’ or, ‘I’m happy with you,’ or, ‘Thank you for loving me,’ or…” he moved his hands in a circular motion, nearly dropping the takeout box of Akaashi’s favorite food, boiled rapeseed plants with karashi mustard dressing. “A flower that’s really, like,” he swiveled his arms around, shaking the contents of the meal without realizing, wriggling his fingers to try to capture the beauty he wanted to convey. “…that?”

The flower lady laughed gently, nodding in understanding. “I think I have just the thing.”

Bokuto spoke up suddenly, adding a final request. “I don’t want anything purple though!”

She nodded. Placing the plant on the floor, she asked him to wait before heading into a back room and after a moment, returned with her arms saddled with a bundle of flowers that were blindingly blue. The only alternation in color was in each of the individual flower’s center where a single yellow splat persisted on an azure sky of petals. Bokuto stared at them as she returned, silent until realizing the florist had been standing directly in front of him for a while.

“I…” he stammered, taken aback by the bouquet’s brilliance. “I love it…”

She smiled. “I knew you would. These flowers symbolize true and undying love. They also serve as reminders of your favorite memories with another person.”

Bokuto nodded slowly. “Wh-what’re they called?” he asked in a near whisper, amber eyes wide and mesmerized by the arrangement in the lady’s hands.

Her eyes softened and she placed the flowers in his hands without another word. He staggered slightly at the sudden weight, but held firm and stood his ground awaiting the answer to his question. Knowing she had his full attention, the florist gently exhaled, stepping forward to whisper the name into his ear.

\-----

Bokuto started the climb up to the hill overlooking the city where he was to meet up with Akaashi, arms saddled with gifts and goodies along with an especially small box in the front of his coat pocket. The sun was beginning to set, but there was still time before the stars would make an appearance in the chilly winter sky. Being the “hot water bottle friend,” he always felt physically warm and the frosty air did not deter him as he finally reached the top. 

Bokuto paused for a moment and took a deep breath before walking over to finally stand before Akaashi. Or rather, he stood in front of the tombstone that had his boyfriend’s name etched clearly in its stony plate.

\-----

The first time Akaashi missed practice nearly a year ago back in spring, Bokuto was worried and furiously texted him to ask where he was. His boyfriend had responded as curtly as ever, ‘I’m fine Bokuto-san. I’ll be there tomorrow.’

Bokuto sighed in relief, fingering the small box in his sports bag. He had worked extra hours at his part-time job to buy this gift for his lover and although he felt jittery, he knew he wanted to live the rest of his life at his setter’s side. 

But, he wasn’t there the next day.

As Bokuto surveyed the large university gymnasium, his insecurities grew and he firmly decided he would swing by Akaashi’s home right after practice was over.

Upon arriving at the Akaashi household, he wasn’t greeted very warmly. In fact, when the lady of the house opened the door, she seemed offended that he had visited as abruptly as he did. They had met once before when Keiji had insisted Koutarou should meet his mother. But, she didn’t look the same. Her eyes had dark, sagging bags under them and her whole body screamed fatigue. She clutched the door frame shakily, ready to turn her unwanted visitor away. However, Bokuto didn’t notice. Instead, he sought behind her, searching for that familiar face he knew and loved.

“He’s not here,” she stated, matter-of-fact. When Bokuto turned to her with inquiring eyes, she sighed, her wrinkles showing, and responded, “He’s at the hospital. He’s been diagnosed with leukemia.”

Bokuto felt his stomach drop. After asking in broken sentences for directions, he sprinted to the location Akaashi was. The hospital was a small one on the edge of town and easy enough to find. Bokuto rushed in, gasping for breath, ignoring the looks he received. Swiftly walking past the reception desk where attendants meekly called after him, he ran up the floors, calling out Akaashi’s name until he finally was stopped by the many doctors and nurses who had chased after him.

They directed him to the right room after they had asked him to sign-in at the visitor’s desk. Still out of breath, Bokuto entered the room in spite of the warnings he received about ‘being too loud’ stampeding into a room that had a lone window and bed. Bokuto stared at the angelic figure in the white sheets before him, chest heaving heavily and eyes furrowed.

Akaashi, on the other hand in his white hospital gown, looked surprised, voicing a silent, “Bokuto-san,” before turning away and whispering, “shit.”

“Akaashi,” Bokuto gasped, voice cracking slightly. “What…” His eyes ran up and down Akaashi’s slender body, searching for anything amiss or out of place. Finding nothing in particular, he squinted slightly, looking back up into those jade eyes that addressed him calmly. “What’s wrong? Why are you here? What’s this look-ia thing you have?”

“I’m fine, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi replied, smiling. “Just a slight cold of sorts.”

\-----

Over the next couple months, Bokuto visited Akaashi every day without fail. Even on days when visitors were not permitted, he stood outside the hospital rapidly throwing his arms over his head, eyeing the window of the second story room Akaashi was in and hoping his boyfriend would see him and wave back.

Being a poor cook, Bokuto often ordered takeout for Akaashi. Although the meals varied, he made sure to bring his boyfriend’s favorite food the most often. He wasn’t the only one who came by. Former Fukurodani members along with other volleyball underclassmen and upperclassmen from their high school days also dropped in to place gifts on the stand next to Akaashi’s bed. Bokuto often read the letters that were delivered to his boyfriend out loud, imitating the voices of Hinata Shouyo, Kenma Kozume, and the others in a booming voice that resembled a sports commentator. He often received smacks to the head by the person he was indirectly mocking, but they were all given in good conscience.

On the days he could talk to Keiji alone, he sat right next to his bed, recounting stories of what had happened at practice or what Kuroo Tetsurou did the other day or complained about the difficulty of his classes. Day after day, Akaashi listened attentively, smiled, and reassured Bokuto that he’d heal in the near future.

Bokuto wishes he had realized sooner.

One day three months in, Bokuto walked in and noticed Akaashi hadn’t finished takeout from the other day. In fact, his setter seemed a lot skinnier than usual and he wasn’t as attentive as he usually was. After Akaashi failed to respond to one of Bokuto’s questions, Bokuto stopped, looking at his boyfriend who was in turn, mindlessly looking at the wall with dull eyes. Bokuto gently took one of his slender hands, starting at the bony fingers. With worry in his eyes, he stared Akaashi down asking if he was really okay.

Akaashi seemed pained as he smiled softly, nodding. Bokuto knew he was lying this time. He clenched the small hand in his own broad ones and asked again, boring his gaze into his boyfriend’s.

Pausing, Akaashi looked down and mumbled, “I’m going through chemotherapy soon.”

Bokuto frowned. That sounded bad. “What’s that? Will I still see you?”

At that, Akaashi burst into tears. Bokuto, taken aback, threw his arms over him and enveloped his lover in a tight embrace. “Tell me you’ll be okay Akaashi,” his voice wavered over the sounds of crying. “Please, tell me you’ll be okay.”

“I don’t… I don’t want you to see me.”

Still holding the shivering figure in his arms, Bokuto froze, quietly asking why.

“I won’t be the same,” Akaashi blubbered, mentally stabbing himself for being envious of Bokuto’s warmth. “My hair will be gone… I won’t be able to listen to your lovely stories anymore because I’ll be sick all the time… I… I don’t want that.”

Bokuto ran his hands through Akaashi’s raven colored hair. He gently caressed his boyfriend’s head, rubbing in a way he hoped would be therapeutic. “Akaashi, I don’t care. I want to be with you no matter what. Please don’t…” he suppressed his insecurities. “Please don’t push me away.”

Akaashi sniffled, tears running down Bokuto’s back. He nodded. Bokuto pulled him in even closer.

\-----

It was not a slight cold of sorts. Bokuto had deduced that much.

Later that afternoon, he learned Akaashi had acute myeloid leukemia. He spent the rest of the night researching it in hopes he could find a miracle cure. He learned that Keiji’s lack of appetite, fatigue, and joint pains were the direct result of this cancer. He also discovered that patients who suffered through this often sweat through the night. He made a mental note to bring a sack of towels the next time he stopped by.

From that day on, Bokuto watched Akaashi grow weaker and weaker. He bruised and bleed easily, greatly alarming Koutarou. Keiji had lost all his hair and he didn’t seem as enthusiastic to see his boyfriend during their visits. The latter often spent a lot of time wiping the blood from former’s wounds with a shaky hand holding clean, white towels, hoping in vain to soak up as much of the cancer as possible.

Regardless of the struggle in seeing his boyfriend, Bokuto continued to pop in and tried to keep a cheery face. He continued bringing him meals that went untouched, stories that went unheard, and smiles that weren’t reciprocated. They mostly sat in silence, Bokuto’s hand on Akaashi’s, Keiji feeling the warmth he now lacked and Koutarou feeling the life fade from his lover’s body.

One day, Bokuto decided to point out the bruises scattered down the length of Akaashi’s arms.

“They kind of look like purple flowers!” Bokuto exclaimed, hoping to make Keiji smile. Akaashi examined his arm with a scowl that channeled pure, unbridled hatred.

“I hate them,” he mumbled, half delirious off his fever. “Flowers die.”

Bokuto shut up then.

When he left the hospital room later that day, he could hear the muffled cries of his boyfriend from behind the door. Bokuto balled his hands up into fists and mentally cursed his inability to do anything.

The next time he saw Akaashi, Bokuto smiled as wide as he could, silently hoping some of his joy would rub off on Keiji.

He felt like a fraud.

\-----

“I’ve decided to quit my chemotherapy treatments, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi quietly stated, staring out the window at the winter sky that seemed brighter than it should be. The sky was growing darker with each passing day, December right around the corner. With his hair gone, he looked miserable, bags under his eyes, the light gone from his jade pupils. “In fact, I’ve already stopped taking them for a few days now.”

Bokuto got up from his chair, shocked and afraid. “Akaashi, wait, why?”

“It’s not doing anything,” he replied, running the fingers of his right hand over the sharp bones of his left. “I’m only getting worse.”

“That doesn’t mean you should stop trying!” Bokuto yelped, hoping it would bring Akaashi to his senses, but he only received a cold glare in response.

“Bokuto-san, what exactly should I be trying harder at?” Bokuto opened his mouth to retort, but was cut off abruptly by the crack in Akaashi’s voice as he continued. “I sit here, every day wasted, as I watch you get to live your life without me. It’s bad enough I know I’m dying, but to know I’m selfish enough to keep you in here with me for days without end while you could be out practicing volleyball or hanging out with your friends. You don’t have to be here you know? That kills me.” He paused, breathless before ending with a prompt, “You kill me.”

Bokuto felt his mouth go dry hearing Akaashi say he knew he was dying. The only thing that registered in his mind was the fact that his boyfriend had given up because the pain had gotten too much to bear. He clenched his hands tighter and looked down at the still, lifeless skeletal body of his lover. Taking a deep breath, he walked over to his bag, rummaging in its pockets before pulling the chair closer to Akaashi’s bed and grabbing Keiji’s hands.

Akaashi made no attempt to flee, but only silently regarded Bokuto’s actions as he walked from his backpack to Keiji’s side. When Koutarou took his hand, he slowly registered the fact something hard pressed against it and after taking it without complaints, he opened his palms slowly to reveal… a small square box.

Bokuto watched in anticipation at the reactionless figure of his boyfriend as he stared down at the gift. Taking Akaashi’s hands in his, he gently moved the bony fingers to open the box and reveal the sparkling diamond ring held inside.

“Akaashi,” he began, voice wavering slightly. “We’ve known each other for nearly six years now. I know I’m not the smartest or the coolest or…” Bokuto swallowed, feeling his words catch in his throat. He took a deep breath before continuing.

“I’m graduating in a month, but I can’t imagine my life without you. I love you Keiji. I want to be with you forever. I don’t care if you’re stuck in bed for the rest of your life and if you never get better,” he resumed, gaining confidence as he spoke. “You’re the only one I want.”

Greeted with silence, Bokuto fidgeted for a second before reluctantly adding, “Forever.”

The stillness in the quiet hospital room was broken as Akaashi hunched over the gift in his hands and cried. His sickly body quaked and shuddered violently over the white bedsheets and Bokuto was afraid he was going to shake himself to death. As suddenly as it began, Akaashi stopped. He slowed down and stared at the small box in his hands, his expression unreadable.

“Please leave, Bokuto-san,”

“Wait, I—”

“Just, GO,” the words, he spat. He gripped the gift in his hands roughly before pushing it into Bokuto’s chest. “Leave!”

Bokuto stood up, taken aback. “You haven’t given me your reply,” he stammered, his head ringing alarms. To this, Akaashi bored his gaze directly into his boyfriend’s eyes and yelled as loudly as his failing voice would allow him,

“I want nothing to do with you!”

That was the last time Bokuto saw Akaashi. Despite begging him to continue his chemotherapy treatments, he pleas fell on deaf ears. In the end, he was forcefully ejected from the hospital room by a couple doctors who had heard the cries.

The next day, Bokuto felt too heartbroken to see Keiji at the hospital so he spent the day in bed, skipping a full day of school. He decided he would apologize after classes the following day. The coming afternoon, he went up the stone steps, intending to mend the relationship that had been shattered abruptly.

But, as he walked through the door to visit Akaashi, he was met with a vacant room full of white sheets.

\-----

“Hey, hey, hey, Akaashi,” Bokuto said, greeting the tombstone in front of him. Placing his load on the ground, he situated himself to sit directly in front of the etchings that were carved out before him. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to meet you here ever since you…” he trailed off, broken. He stared blankly at the tufts of grass next to the rock, watching as they swayed in the wind.

“Oh,” he started, remembering something. “I brought your favorite food!” Digging through the plastic bag next to him, he placed the takeout box in front of the tombstone, mumbling a silent, ‘itadakimasu.’

He sat there, moments longer, watching the uneaten meal with a pained heart. Hoping to break the silence, Bokuto grabbed yet another gift from his bundle of goodies. “Look, Akaashi,” he tried to sound cheery, but his voice broke with every syllable he spoke. “Isn’t it cute?”

He shook the owl plush in his hands as if waiting for a reply although he knew full well nobody would respond with, ‘Yes, Bokuto-san, it is indeed cute.’ He tried to swallow, but something was stuck. He tried to breathe, but his breaths came out in shaky gasps. Deep down, he knew that he’d never get a reply from his boyfriend anymore. He had only hoped for something… anything, and now his hopes were dashed faced with cold reality. Bokuto sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, he spoke.

“I know you rejected me, Akaashi, but, I want you to know that I haven’t given up on you,” he laughed, a smile that didn’t quite reach his ears. “Even now, I can’t get over the fact you…” he trailed off for a moment before picking up again. “I just wake up and think, ‘Hey, I’ll just stop by Akaashi’s!’ or ‘Wow, I can’t wait to see Keiji’s smile today,’ and…”

A tear fell on the surface of the tombstone.

“I just…” he blubbered, rubbing hopelessly at the tears that were now falling unendingly. “I miss you, okay?” His voice cracked, his broad shoulders hunched. “I miss you so much Akaashi. Please come back,” he pleaded with nothing. “Please come home.”

His eyes stung. His nose was runny, but he couldn’t stop it from dripping all over his face. He bawled, yelling at the top of his lungs at nobody in particular. He wanted desperately to hear Keiji’s voice above all else, but he was met with silence.

Deafening silence save for the cruel beating of his own heart.

Finally, he started rummaging through the rest of the gifts he had brought, sniffling audibly and choking back the tears that had dribbled down his chin. “I… I brought you flowers,” he continued, placing the brilliant blue bouquet before the grave. “They’re not like the bruises you had… they’re more like the sky we both loved, you know?” He forced a laugh. “I don’t know.” His shoulders went limp, as if acknowledging that whatever he said now was futile. “I thought they were nice,” he quietly spoke. “…forget-me-nots.”

Wiping his snot on his sleeve, he continued, “The flower lady said they symbolize a connection that lasts through time. They’re supposed to represent fidelity and loyalty even when you’re separated…” he felt that sinking feeling catch in his throat again. “…like us right now.”

Bokuto paused for a moment, recollecting his thoughts. He had learned how Akaashi had fallen into a deep coma a couple hours after he had left the hospital room that day. The doctors did all they could to monitor his condition, but it was too late. He passed away less than 24 hours before Bokuto decided to visit again.

“I read the letter you wrote me,” he said, stifling a cry and taking a folded piece of paper out from the pile of plastic bags. “I was… scared to read it,” he stopped, uncertain whether he should continue. He had kept the seal on for weeks before finally mustering up the courage to hear Akaashi’s final words that morning.

The letter read:  
_Dear Bokuto-san,_

_I’m sorry for yelling at you. I know I can’t atone for what I’ve done, but, I want you to know that you are the most important person to me. You’re like a ray of sunshine, Koutarou. You can’t be stuck in a stuffy hospital room with me. Instead, you should be out there, living your life, getting to know people with bright futures._

_Thank you for loving me. I know you’d just laugh at that and return the statement right back at me, but I truly mean it. Thank you so much._

_When I saw that wedding ring, I was afraid. I didn’t think I had the right to steal you from the rest of the world. So I yelled. I screamed. I lost myself hoping that I’d lose you. But, I know you’ll come back. You always do._

_I don’t want to get married. I hope you understand. As much as it pains me, I hope you’ll find someone else besides me who you can give your all to.  
_

_I wish you only the very best,_

_Keiji._

Bokuto ran his fingers down the page. It wasn't written by Keiji himself given he was bedridden and unable to move much during the time of this letter, but Koutarou knew it had come from him. The messy scrawl at the end where he had struggled to write his own name was proof. Bokuto had never really given much thought to how pretty someone’s writing could be, but after reading Akaashi’s last thoughts on paper, he was stunned by how inadequate he felt in expressing his own feelings. After receiving it from the doctor who had helped his boyfriend write it, Bokuto had secretly wished he had taken the physician's place because he wanted to be the one who stayed with Keiji at the end.

Suddenly, Koutarou stood up resolutely, breathing deeply, sharply.

“I’ve decided Akaashi,” he stated, the life returning to his body. “I’m going to work even harder!” He eyed the grave confidently, kneeling down to crown the tip of the curvilinear stone with blue flowers. “In other words, I reject your rejection of my proposal!” He began setting more budding blossoms down in a pattern that pleased him. The beautiful petals adorned the tomb on all sides, enveloping the area in its cloudless, azure sky. “So that’s that!” Bokuto stepped back, smiling at his floral arrangement. “Too bad you’re stuck with this amazing guy!”

He grinned, a genuine smile he’d been missing for the past year or so. It felt good.

His phone buzzed. His mom probably. He looked up at the sky and realizing the sun was setting quickly, he gathered his things, leaving the gifts resting on the gravestone. “I’ll be back so prepare yourself!” he exclaimed, eyes still full of longing, but now filled with purpose. “I can’t imagine a future without you Keiji!”

On that final note, he started trudging back home. However, halfway down the hill, he glanced back in hopes he could see a fleeting image of his boyfriend one last time. Instead, through the blinding rays of the sun’s final moments, he spotted a speck of brilliant blue hues placed atop a beautiful stone carving.

Forget-me-nots.

**Author's Note:**

> So remember for my other fic, I was thinking about what kind of death for Bokuto would kill Akaashi the most (spoiler alert)? Well, now here is the death I feel would kill Bokuto the most... slowly watching the person he loves wasting away day after endless day, unable to say any words of comfort, being powerless to do anything at all.
> 
> ...please don't kill me. I promise I'll try writing fluff. XD
> 
> I know there are probably like a million mistakes (which would be great to point out if you see any!), but honestly I am just SO done with this. I think this is the longest fic I've ever written and I had originally planned for it to be shorter than "the Tears he Couldn't Cry" so it was just both physically and mentally exhausting, haha. Regardless, I hope you all like it! :D


End file.
